Addiction and Obsessions
Posted on April 18, 2008
Filed Under Addiction, Balance |
If by any stretch of the imagination, I have led you to believe that I am totally recovered from an obsessive mindset, please rest assured that such is not the case. Yes, I have not had a drink in over 10 years nor am I a smoker any longer, but like most people with an addiction, I have transferred my ability to obsess to areas that would cause less damage in my life. Or so it would seem. Some days I’m not so sure.
Let me describe my early encounters with obsessions: The first thing I did when I got sober was take up painting and I did so for five years straight. I painted day and night, and on any thing that stayed still long enough to be painted. This included tin cans, tables and chairs, lampshades and yes, even my TV. It got so people were afraid to lend me things for fear I’d paint them before handing them back (I did always make sure it was their favorite color!) Then one day, I set to painting five different canvases at once and when they were finished, never lifted a paint brush again. Boom. Done.
Soon after that, I began my 3 year long love affair with beads and jewelry. Call me weird, call me what you will, but it did seem like a love affair. When I was working on a project, I was totaling engrossed to the exclusion of all else. When I wasn’t working on it, I was thinking about it. And at night, I would race home to it. I no longer make jewelry but still buy the beads. Go figure.
After those obsessive times, I set the intention to bring balance into my life. I make sure my fitness level is maintained, that my diet is healthy and I get plenty of sleep. I ensure that I’m staying well rounded and peaceful. And after a while of this kind of living, my ego tells me I will stay this way forever. I am healed. Wrong!
It appears that my recent obsession is this very blog! Yes, it just snuck up on me when I wasn’t looking. I am between work projects at the moment and have a lot of time to devote to it. And so I have. So much so, that I’m starting to sacrifice my health.
It takes a lot for someone who hasn’t been in the blogsphere before to catch up. I’m trying to pick up the lingo, learn how to program in html and css, practice different blog marketing methods, tweak different aspects of my Wordpress theme, aside from writing a blurb 5 times a week. That’s a lot to do all at once and boy, am I on it.
One would think after all this time in sobriety and living in balance, that I could spot this growing obsession a mile away. For instance, perhaps the reason I’m getting cranky is because I’m not sleeping well. And I’m not sleeping well because I’m sit too much in front of the computer. And sitting too much makes me toss and turn a lot at night. But no, it’s taken about two weeks to figure it all out.
But hey, at least I figured it out before I got too stressed and did something silly. It’s also a gentle reminder that I am still human and an imperfect one at that! So, I’m not totally recovered but I am much more aware, and that’s half the battle.
Comments
One Response to “Addiction and Obsessions”
Leave a Reply
About Me
-
-
[…] I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had a few habits in my life that have kicked my butt all the way to next Sunday and back - a few times. I’ve […]