How to get the Alcoholic Advantage: Part 1
Posted on May 26, 2008
Filed Under Balance, Consciousness, Personal Growth, Recovery |
While being an alcoholic was not on the list of things I wanted to be when I grew up, in the long run, it’s worked out for the best. These days, it’s not just about the drinking or drugging. Hitting the wall of addiction forced me to take a good long look at myself and to decide to consciously live in a different way than I was used to.
At least I Know I’m Messed Up
There is no doubt about the fact that I am one messed up individual. The cool thing is that I’m aware of it and working to stay in balance on a day to day, sometimes minute by minute, basis.
Aside from drugs and alcohol, there are many behaviors and attitudes that I can no longer afford to indulge in. And the truth is, no one can. Acting out or acting inappropriately doesn’t get anyone anywhere. The sad thing is that there are those whose lives are in such confusion and they don’t have a clue as to why. They can’t make the connection between the chaos and the choices they make.
In order to keep balance in my life, I have to guard against various behaviors on an ongoing basis. As I started writing this list, it just got longer and longer, and so has worked into a series of posts to reflect on:
Anger
Have you ever found yourself ranting and raving about a something that angered you? Did it solve the matter at hand? Yes, we could say we got to vent and now feel better for releasing it. I don’t think that’s the truth though. Usually, the more I vent about something, the more angry I get about it. My rage just gets stirred up all the more.
And what about the people we’ve vented to? If we’ve let loose on the person we’re mad at, chances are we’ve created a lot of damage that will need to be repaired later, if possible.
What if we’re just venting to a friend? I once had a boss that would blow up on a regular basis. While it usually wasn’t about me, I had to sit and listen to him rage. I must say that I felt emotionally bruised afterward. It’s something I would have rather avoided had I the choice. Even if it’s a friend, the negative emotion still has impact.
A Better Way?
What we need to ask ourselves is could there have been a better way to deal with the anger? For me, I need to stop what’s happening as soon as I become aware of the escalating anger. I can’t solve anything when the anger is on the upswing. Either I need to take a deep breath, state how agitated I am, change the subject or leave the room. Whatever works.
After a cooling off period, I look at what kicked off the anger. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango which means I need to look at my part in the episode. How did I help to get this started? Sometimes, it wasn’t about me, it’s just life. Then it’s all about accepting that sometimes life is not fair. Perhaps I talk it out with a neutral third party, take a long walk to get a different perspective or write it out in my journal.
One way or another, I try to get to the bottom of the issue so that it doesn’t come up again. There’s nothing wrong with anger, it’s a protective mechanism. What matters is why it comes up and how I deal with it. I also need to apologize for my part so that I can set things right and feel good about myself again. And then, at least for a moment, I am back in balance again.
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7 Responses to “How to get the Alcoholic Advantage: Part 1”
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Eric Clapton, when speaking about his life, said “the road of excess leads to the road of wisdom.”
True only for those who survive the trip. I’ll look forward to the rest of the series.
Zen-Momentss last blog post..Tai Chi Classes: Should You Sign Up?
Thanks for the insights.
CDeeerings last blog post..Remembering Those Who Fought
Yes, and he should know. I really enjoyed his biography. Did you read it?
No I didn’t read Eric’s Autobiography. His statement on that TV program, made an impression on me though. I have always found that everything cuts both ways. We can make good or bad use of all of our experiences.
I think conditions have to be right for us to be able to see and act on that. I also wonder if only certain people have the strength to make good use of that experience.
You should feel very good about yourself that you have that strength. Most don’t.
Zen-Momentss last blog post..Tai Chi Classes: Should You Sign Up?
As much as it often doesn’t thrill me, I always try to make lemonade out of lemons. If you don’t, you just end up with sour grapes!?!
Thank you for your kind remark. I appreciate it.
[…] Blame is a natural response for we who populate the human race. Heck, we’ve been doing it since God threw Adam and Eve out of the Garden. When we’re having the fight or flight response to a bad situation, it’s just easier to dump the negative energy onto some else’s shoulders. It makes us feel better and we have a focus for our anger. But as I’ve said before, it takes two to tango. […]
[…] Vance gives some really good advice in these posts: How to get the Alcoholic Advantage: Part 1, How to Get the Alcoholic Advantage: Part 2 and How to Stop Playing the Blame […]